What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 14:27
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As i do to all so called friends.?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
What firsthand information do you have on prisoner-on-prisoner sexual abuse/rape?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He resisted the act ,that day.
When you visit a store, do you go to shop or buy?
I was seconnd youngest,
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We all went to grammer schools
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Atheists who have read the Bible and think that contains immoral things, why do you assume that?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What is the dirtiest thing you have witnessed your wife do?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
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Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
When does a man tell a woman he has feelings for her?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
What type of sex do women prefer, oral, anal, or vaginal?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
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Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
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Was to survive, this bastard.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
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I was very sick at this time too.
We were not on the streets..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
All the time i was locked up.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was in good health!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I could never make a relationship work though!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I have no regrets .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Put me off passion for life!!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I couldn’t, believe it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was scared of men, in general
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I write beautiful poetry .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She loved him until the end.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I don,t even have a pension.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Who then, do I blame.?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My family never makes their pension either.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One cannot live in the past .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Ive learnt so much.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He knew the spot.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But, we were locked up after school.
Comes on , in middle age.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I will be 64.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But it wasn’t much.
This is soul school!.
So whats the point in blame.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I think the readers, may guess!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Would this be the day?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
When she asked me how she looked .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It was going to be , some day.
She married twice! .
I was 9 years of age.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She found it foreign!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I said to her
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My life is so biszare .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And i lived it daily.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She wouldn,t have been !
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I waited trembling.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
So, i spoilt her more .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im still living with it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
What did i know ?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.